i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It was confusing and full of hummus
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
