he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
