i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
