you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
