it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I spit up blood this morning
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.