Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life