y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night