Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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