and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
