I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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