he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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