i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
