I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am mentally ready for anal.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
