Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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