yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
