Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
