your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
