Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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