I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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