Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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