I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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