i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
