This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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