Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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