Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
