she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
