i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
