Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Less talking, more tequila
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
