living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
