my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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