I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
