I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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