Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
