I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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