I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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