God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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