Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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