you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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