coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
