So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
