Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
