i think my tv is drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
