If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize