Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
birth control should be required to get into college
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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