So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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