Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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