Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
