she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
