Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
