not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
