I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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