at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
