Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My dick has a subreddit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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