Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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