you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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