i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
