His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
