Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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