like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
