He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
