my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
