You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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