How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
