How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
