get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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