There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
