Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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