Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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