come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
